Monday, 28 August 2017

An Open Letter to my Exes


It surprises me that I didn't have an aneurysm during the two months that we spent in Europe. Although I must admit that on the morning of our departure back to Sydney, I did yell in exasperation, "I am glad you didn't buy a Swiss knife otherwise I would have stabbed you". We were so incompatible. Looking back, I realise that I had someone else in my life who was stirring the pot and I cannot completely fault you for acting the way that you did. It wasn't all doom and gloom though. You taught me to not be so frugal and also suggested a visit to Turkey, a country that I had never thought I would visit but has become one of my favourites. To this day, I am surprised that you paid me back for the Europe trip. I had covered your costs (~$4k) and we broke up before payment; I had tried to accept that I might never recoup the costs actually. It was only two years later that I plucked up the courage to go through my bank statement to aggregate all the small payments made.




I suppose from the very start, there were warning bells. We moved from dating to "seriously dating" when I questioned what we were. What the heck is "seriously dating"?!? Aside from some TV shows, we had no interests in common. I didn't think it would be a problem until a little while later when I discovered that your definition of going for a bushwalk was walking on the paved path in a park. Or that living / being in rural areas was the equivalent of entering hell and everything apart from Sydney or Melbourne was considered rural. Despite never having ventured anywhere outside of med school, your bedroom and trendy brunch places. In hindsight, you taught me to be even more independent; this period was when I became so comfortable with going on solo roadtrips. You also made me realise that every single waking moment doesn't need to be spent doing something memorable and adventurous; it is okay to binge watch shows and binge read series. I think I introduced you to the world of photography. But I hope that I taught you that life is short and life doesn't start when you get into med school / finish med school / get into the specialty you want / blah blah.


My first true love. I met you almost 5 years ago now and I feel like I was such a different person then. So naive. So young. So sheltered. Our short romantic relationship turned into a good friendship which eventually turned into nothing. I suppose I (or we?) was holding on to who we were as people when we first met. But life goes on and people change. I've changed. You've changed. The rose-glass tinted glasses was initially endearing, but the selfishness, ignorance and support of Geert Wilders tipped me over the edge. I do occasionally think back on the what ifs and the good times. But I feel like I am such a different person to who I was then that it all just seems so weird that what happened in the past made me happy. But you did help me realise my love for exploring and adventuring. You taught me to go on the backroads rather than to go on the motorway. Literally and also metaphorically.

~~~
A few months ago, I discovered that I had shots of my three exes on one roll of film. It made me reflect on those relationships, and their impact on my life and the person that I am today.

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